Same Thoughts Again and Again

Can I unplug myself from the whole world and do what I want? But what do I want? Oh, I know, a little time for myself, just more time to accept everything, more time to take a deep breath and relax before I snap at whoever is there to listen. I don't need more time to know how I feel, I already know that, but won't you give me time to explain, time to understand, time to ask, time to forget. I'm not asking for time alone, did it sound like I wanted to be left alone? Perhaps I did, but I don't want to be left alone.... Hold on, i just said I know what I want, but I don't. And I just said I don't want to be left alone, but I do, and it's for your own sake. I just snapped at someone, it doesn't matter if they did anything wrong or not, I have a habit of blasting at people, and not just any people, only those who are close, because I know they'll take it from me, and I take advantage of that fact. So when I'm feeling down or depressed or even pissed, I prefer staying alone because it's not fair to give you a piece of my mind when you've done nothing wrong, and if you ask what's wrong, I won't be able to answer because I don't know what is wrong, so if I stay alone, you won't ask and I won't have to say I don't know, and I won't end up feeling guilty for letting it all out on you.
________
I fear you expect too much from me, I fear you take me for what I'm not, or is it that you know me better than I know myself most of the time?
I feel like you're punishing me for who I am, for what I think, for my flaws, for my weakness, for everything I'm not, I want to try and change whatever there is that needs to change, yet somewhere inside I'm perfectly comfortable the way I am, although I don't admit it that to anyone including myself, that's the reason I never even bother to try and change.
In the end, who am I referring to by 'you'? No one specific, at times 'you' referred to someone close, and at others it referred to people in general.

Ironic!

Arabic tv channels are all willing to broadcast the royal wedding but how many are broadcasting what's happening in Libya, Syria, Yemen, and other countries?
Arabs are all tuned in to Barcelona and Real Madrid football matches, yet how many are watching the news? And what am I watching? Neither!

Distance

Life knows how to put us in tough situations, we're very capable of doing that ourselves, but life has to put us in more. You move from one place to another and leave many behind. Others leave and leave you behind. Do we blame the distance for making us drift apart? Is it an excuse that we're too busy? Sometimes we do reach out but don't find enough encouragement therefore we stop reaching out. However we don't always reach out, it's always in the beginning when a friend leaves to another place that you and them talk, but after that something happens and you both lose every connection you had with each other. Weren't you close enough? Or have you found other friends who are there and got occupied with them? It's never the distance, it's just us preferring what's close to us, it's much easier this way. Perhaps that you've had your friend near you and then they leave and it's no longer satisfying just texting or chatting online. Those things suck every emotion of every word, or so it seems. But if you're attentive enough and you care then connections won't be lost.
However the previous points are not general rules, it depends on many things. What does it depend on? Not very important as long as all lead to people drifting apart, but again not all people. Some connections will never be lost because some are attentive enough and they care so distance is nothing to stop you from reaching out.
So what if life presents such a situation? All my life, it's been this way. And I think perhaps it's me that sometimes is to blame. I no longer get very close to people, because in the back of my mind, they'll leave and move to another place, or the very simple fact that this place where I am is not where I'm going to be.
But I'm here, the very fact that I wish I was there doesn't diminish the fact that I'm here and it doesn't mean that I won't reach out because I'm here, I'll reach out and expect disappointments but I cannot stop reaching out, I simply cannot. For those who've left and got busy with their lives, well I got busy with mine, and I'm to blame as much as they are.

A start

I blame everything for everything. Also I'm very good at finding excuses, at least I'm convinced by them. I know I sound like I'm stating those things as facts but I'm aware now more than ever of this, therefore I'm trying my best to at least be self-conscious about it.
Life goes on and never gives you a break, what's new about that? When did it stop for us? When did it wait til we catch up? Perhaps I sound frustrated, but it's not the way I attend to sound anymore. If I didn't know that I tend to blame and find excuses for everything, then I'd go on doing it without noticing. But I know I'm like this, I've known it for a long time, yet did I do anything about it?
Will this wake up call only last me a few days and then I'll just forget about every plan I've made to reconnect and start to change myself for the better? Only time can answer that, but here and now is my start.

Voices

-Lost?
-Yes.
-Afraid?
-N.. Yes!
-Confused?
-What?.. Yes?
-Focus with me, stop checking this or that!
-F.. Fine.
-Let's go back to the beginning. Lost, why?
-Lost touch with the inner world, I don't know whether I'm still the same or I've changed, and I sure don't know how to figure that out.
-Afraid of what?
-The unknown?
-That's too cliche, at least try to be honest!
-Ok ok! Afraid of myself, of what I know, of where I'm going to, of what's coming, of what's going, of everything and myself.
-So why are you doing this?
-To get out there, to put my mark and let it get lost in the world, knowing at least I'm trying to reach out and maybe find something.
-Find what exactly?
-Find anything, doesn't matter really. Just anything and feel less lost.
-And confused about what? Lemme guess of everything and yourself?
-I thought this was just what I have to say and you trying to be neutral, to try and help me.
-Well you thought wrong, I can't be neutral, I'm in and around you and within you, how can I be neutral when what you do affects me and you?!
-Fine, let's just focus on what we're doing here, shall we? I'm confused about who I am, and how I'm going to face this life and lifeless world.
-I thought you were confused about something original..
-Well, you're not supposed to think!
-Fine!
-So how do you think I can solve all of this mess?
-That's not for me to decide, you choose the way and you lead, and I'll follow.
-What? Then what's the point of all of this?
-If you can't see the point, then consider this whole conversation as something that didn't happen.

The Art of Squeezing a Lemon

It's tricky, difficult and smelly, yes that's it, the art of squeezing a lemon. I've had my share of that experience many times, so I thought why not share it with other, who might have done it but haven't really thought about it.
A Lemon is a beautiful thing, it makes food taste more acid, giving flavor to it, however to get that flavor some hard word must be done. You have to cut the lemon and then begin to squeeze it, or so you'd think! Squeezing the lemon is actually the last part, and is there any other part left, you may ask, and the answer is "Why yes!", getting rid of the seeds inside it.
Allow me to explain a bit before I go on any further, some like to squeeze and then what comes it of the seeds they'll get rid of it last, but I do it first, therefore that makes squeezing a lemon an art, because everyone has their own special approach to it.
Going back to what I was saying, after having cut the lemon in half now it is time to search and search for the seeds and get them out with the slightest lemon juice coming out during the process. And now when you see nothing, all clear beautiful yellow inside, search some more, because there are always those wicked ones that come out while squeezing and you have to get them out of the bowl. That's it? Not quite, now began the journey of squeezing til the last drop of the juicy lemon.
Am I mad? Perhaps!

مبادرة في مدونة أكثر من حياة

إلى القراء الأعزاء
إليكم هذه المبادرة الكريمة من الكاتبة هدى الجهوري فهي تعرض 10 نشخ من روايتها الأشياء ليست في أماكنها
يمكنكم المشاركة و الدخول في السحب و كل التفاصيل موجودة في هذا الرابط:
http://morethan1life.blogspot.com/2010/07/10.html

For those who are in Oman:

Check this blog out:
http://morethan1life.blogspot.com/
It's is a great blog to reviewing Arabic or Translated-To-Arabic books, by an Omani blogger.
It's offering a chance to win a 10 OR coupon for Muscat Book Fair, here's a link to participate, it's a piece of cake, just comment writing your name and the Publishing house you'd like to buy from, :
http://morethan1life.blogspot.com/2010/02/blog-post_7600.html

تصفح هذه المدونة الرائعة عن الكتب:
http://morethan1life.blogspot.com/
تعرض هذه المدونة فرصة رائعة للفوز بقسيمة بقيمة 10 ريالات عُمانية للشراء من إحدى دور النشر في معرض مسقط للكتاب الذي سيفتح قريبا، لذا اغتنم الفرصة، ما عليك سواء التعليق على هذا الرابط و كتابة اسمك و الدار التي ترغب في الشراء منها:
http://morethan1life.blogspot.com/2010/02/blog-post_7600.html

Facebook Sisters! and Updating!

This post is not going to be about facebook, let me make that clear, however it's going to be about something I've noticed happening there! You know how sisters are like right? Well, they're girls, and so you get the picture!
Still don't know where I'm going? Ok, I'll tell you without further delay, why do sisters who live in the same house wall each other and comment on pictures they probably have taken for their sisters, and the thing that really gets to me in wishing each other happy birthday!!!! It's so fake! I mean get a life, seriously!! Why would anyone do that?
I mean what's the whole point of it, and a wife writing on her status that she misses her husband so much and can't wait til he comes back from whatever trip he's taking!
It's so funny! You know, what my brother, who doesn't approve of the whole facebook thingie and doesn't have an account, said and it was completely true, he said: what's the whole point of it, updating my status and tell everyone what I'm doing, like I'm going to the bathroom > next status: Ohh, I wanna go to the bathroom so bad, > next status: In the bathroom... >next status: Finally, relieved!



Ok, I got carried away, he only said the first status as an example, and I wanted to make my point here, I could go on and on about Facebook observations, but those will do for now, :)

Quite Amusing!

I live in Oman, let's make that clear! and if you don't know about Oman or how it's like, let me tell you something to give you perspective: it's a really quiet and peaceful country, and its people are really kind and so on, now you got the picture, right?
well, here's what I found , or rather what my sister pointed out, when we were walking on the beach, written on a wall:

I was really amused, that I took a picture of it!
now you can understand the source of my amusement, specially if I'm living in such a country!