Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Same Thoughts Again and Again

Can I unplug myself from the whole world and do what I want? But what do I want? Oh, I know, a little time for myself, just more time to accept everything, more time to take a deep breath and relax before I snap at whoever is there to listen. I don't need more time to know how I feel, I already know that, but won't you give me time to explain, time to understand, time to ask, time to forget. I'm not asking for time alone, did it sound like I wanted to be left alone? Perhaps I did, but I don't want to be left alone.... Hold on, i just said I know what I want, but I don't. And I just said I don't want to be left alone, but I do, and it's for your own sake. I just snapped at someone, it doesn't matter if they did anything wrong or not, I have a habit of blasting at people, and not just any people, only those who are close, because I know they'll take it from me, and I take advantage of that fact. So when I'm feeling down or depressed or even pissed, I prefer staying alone because it's not fair to give you a piece of my mind when you've done nothing wrong, and if you ask what's wrong, I won't be able to answer because I don't know what is wrong, so if I stay alone, you won't ask and I won't have to say I don't know, and I won't end up feeling guilty for letting it all out on you.
________
I fear you expect too much from me, I fear you take me for what I'm not, or is it that you know me better than I know myself most of the time?
I feel like you're punishing me for who I am, for what I think, for my flaws, for my weakness, for everything I'm not, I want to try and change whatever there is that needs to change, yet somewhere inside I'm perfectly comfortable the way I am, although I don't admit it that to anyone including myself, that's the reason I never even bother to try and change.
In the end, who am I referring to by 'you'? No one specific, at times 'you' referred to someone close, and at others it referred to people in general.

26 comments:

Windswept Dreams said...

I'm not asking for time alone, did it sound like I wanted to be left alone?
I hope you find all the time you need, and even when things get too cluttered in your mind, know that you will always have people in the backgroudn for you, you're never truly alone <3

So when I'm feeling down or depressed or even pissed, I prefer staying alone because it's not fair to give you a piece of my mind when you've done nothing wrong,

Wrong. That's what friends are there for, they'll understand. I think its not fair of you to staying alone and letting them wonder what they have done wrong.

I fear you expect too much from me, I fear you take me for what I'm not, or is it that you know me better than I know myself most of the time?

I loved these lines.

<3<3

Aya adel said...

Can't I unplug myself?!.. No I'm truly asking this question .
Sometimes i truly need to stop thinking !!
But like Edison said : Only thinking has no cure , it can't stop. which sucks. I hate when a negative or sad thought controls you, and however hard you tried to get rid of, it sticks to you!!
and trying to get rid of it, is absolutely its way to stay !!
I love the blog Hudaz so damn much.

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